I’m sitting here and it’s 9 pm. Should I go to bed? Or should I continue to do whatever it is I feel like doing: write, watch tv, read a book, rock paint, sit and stare at a wall or ceiling fan and enjoy the silence?
Should I go to bed, or stay up?
I really should go to bed, though.
Because I got suuuper lucky and both of my little angels are ridiculously early risers. I’m talking 5 o’clock hour, early risers. Wide awake and as happy as can be. Ready to go play. Ready to go learn.
At 5 o’clock in the effing morning.
I, on the other hand, am not an early morning kind of person. At all. Never have been. Never will be. Even the Army didn’t change that. Even three years of having kids haven’t changed that.
I still want to punch myself unconscious every single morning just so I can have an excuse to go back to sleep.
Anyway, the point is, I should go to bed. Because I’ve got be up early tomorrow. You know, to mom n stuff.
But, instead, I sit here. Enjoying eating my steamed artichoke dipped in mayonnaise (don’t knock it till you try it) while binge-watching American Horror Story on Netflix.
I almost never watch TV, but when I do, it’s a Netflix binge. To sit here and mindlessly stare at the TV helps me decompress.
Reading a book, rock painting, or whatever else that I want to do after the kids go to bed are all things that wind me down from the craziness of the day.
And, I enjoy that me time so much that I, more often than not, have to force myself to go to bed around 1130 pm, midnight, or sometimes even later. I can’t help it.
Even before kids, I’ve always been such a night owl. I can easily stay up all night. It’s like my body wakes up once the sun goes down, and I feel tired all day long until it does. I absolutely suck at sleeping through the night. Toss and turn and wake up all night long.
But as soon as the sun comes up, I can sleep the best sleep ever. I’ve always said I swear I’m nocturnal.
But, I don’t think this has to do with me being nocturnal (lol). It’s because I need me time. Keyword: need.
I NEED me time
I need time where there is no one talking (my 3 year old is a jabbermouth to the 10th degree.) No one needing anything. No one climbing all over me (both of mine are stage 5 clingers.) No hearing random crashes in some room somewhere. No listening to someone screaming “The Wheels On the Bus” song at the top of their lungs.
I just need to be alone. So I can do my own thing for a minute. Time to reboot my brain.
And, that includes the husband. A lot of the time I don’t even want him around!
So what is one to do?
Have some me time or we time with your partner for a few hours and then go to bed and get hardly any sleep because you have to get up at (effing) 5 am?
Or go to bed ASAP, with no chill time, so you can get all the sleep you can before your mini-yous come in and cock-a-doodle-doo until you basically crawl yourself straight to the coffee maker as if you’re in a drunken stupor?
I battle this predicament in my head every single night.
The nights I don’t decompress and get some time to myself, I grumpily go straight to bed, and then wake up still sort of grumpy the next day (at effing 5 am).
On the other hand, if I do get some self-relaxing time and go to bed too late, then I still wake up grumpy because now I didn’t get enough sleep.
There is a sweet spot, however!
And sometimes I nail that sweet spot and go to bed at just the right time, after getting just the right amount of unwind time.
But, I never know if I’m going to hit that sweet spot in any given night. (I mean, I know I won’t if I am 5 episodes deep in whatever I’m watching and I just let it auto roll into the 6th and its 1230 am. But those are kind of my “fuck it” nights that I occasionally have.)
The good thing is – COFFEE.
Coffee. Thank the universe for whomever (probably) accidentally stumbled across coffee and discovered that it is LIFE for those with kids.
Or just those of us who are not, and will never be, morning people.